[recesses of my mind]

there are things that scare me.

read some zen saying somewhere that when you're afraid you should spend some time with the fear, let it get as big as your imagination can let it, and through that you learn to overcome it.

kinda helps.

yet another step forward. i'm sure of it.

[fathers and sons]

noticed a vicious cycle.

when we're young we get pissed off by our parents and decide to pursue our own goals.

then we have kids, they dun live up to our expectations, despite we dedicating our entire lives to them, so we scold them. they decide to heck it and pursue their own goals. u then realise how you've been wrong to your own parents and decide to salvage wad's left of that relationship. in the process, you've succesfully ensured your kids will end up in the same state as you.

i guess u could break the cycle in many places. if anyone decided to be nice and bear with the crap, i guess we could have prevented it. or maybe we could do away with expectations.

a side note, have u guys had this sudden realisation nowadays that your life's turning out so much like your parents?

life screws us all.

[the search continues]

its hard to find something when you don't really know what you're looking for. Yet it remains the same thing, or at least my life needs it the same way it has always needed it. that one thing to make it, suddenly off tangent to the rest, like something.

Somehow i find these lines from "The Prestige" especially poignant.

Cutter: Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Pledge". The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called "The Turn". The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn't clap yet. Because making something disappear isn't enough; you have to bring it back. That's why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call "The Prestige".

i guess my life's still at the pledge, i continue to remind others and myself each day how normal i am.

[sakit]

no wonder ppl thought that the heart is the seat of emotion. oh how my heart hurts. but i'll survive this one.

wondering where its all headed towards. feel like there's so much at stake, and as each second passes by i feel helpless as it just passes by me.

suddenly feel the need to run. that effect u get after long hikes. when all your emotion's been burnt up, jettisoned away cos its extra weight u can't afford.

[gundam]

it couldn't have ended any better. and i'll continue to believe that setsuna and allelujah are still alive, somewhere. just like that crap ali is still around. who else dares to step into the cockpit of 00 gundam?

exia is given a sword for a reason =)

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v6542047MSmZafXN

thanks zy.

[life]

just felt like posting yesterday, but din get a chance.

thought about things, really happy cos i realised that there's at least 10 ppl i know who can really understand or would want to understand me.

somehow that means alot.

[the difference]

the difference is how much we try.