[ode to biochem]

contrary to what i recently believed, biochemistry is actually quite charming. however, in comparison to the other fields, physiology and anatomy, the pieces to its puzzle are much smaller, much more incongruent, more bland.

But when u finally put the pieces together, all that charm, grace and flavour that was deprived for you is returned generously.

here i go once again, this lifetime of education.

i pray that my wit, and mental capabilities grow day by day, never get polluted, or soiled by base thoughts and false beliefs. retain its simplicity and methodical nature, so that i may rip apart the great notions of this world with ease yet keeping the big picture always in sight.

[report from warfront]

okay. i just realised something. my studying style has become something like wad u told on the phone about how the girl was forced to drink like milk and butter every like 1 hr.

that's how i'm studying. like mug one point. come to computer and stone, refractory period for brain, that's not used to lower limb parts.

connections connections. how they all seem to add up.

[final piece part2]

just some final adjustments to our flight plan.

dun forget to include the need to set REALISTIC goals (finishing upper limb and lower limb in one day doesn't count.)

also setting time frame if not you're work carries on ad infinitum, taking the form of monstrous epics that are as thick as harry potter books.

wonder why i'm investing in all this extra prose.

lastly. there's a need to clear your mind of everything else. at least your problems. good to feel happy.

[final piece]

hopefully the last piece to the puzzle of my life. hard work. keeping to promises u make to yourself.

its either that, or forget about making promises to yourself, no targets, just do your best and hope u'll get there, someday.

somehow i'll choose option 1. want to reach somewhere, within this short life of mine.

just finished upper limb. for the 1st time, i can say i looked thru all the pages of Moore, even though i din actually read everything. (after exams... i assure you)

becoming superior.

taking a step towards proclaiming wad i saw in the nike advert...

"watch me as i become the world's greatest"

[lost dreams]

as we draw nearer to the exams i realise have just gone against wad i felt during JC. remember? never be unprepared for an exam! never last minute!

so what has happened now?

dunno whether to buy grey's anatomy. its very tempting!

go go go! time to hit the Gastro-intestinal tract! i'm going in!

[physician develpmt prog]

just had another insightful session. it was worth the wait and somewhat waste of my afternoon. not to mention the scores of people i had to avoid so that i wasn't asked the question.

things i felt about today:
- go learn chinese, or malay, or avoid being a complete loser in the wards. or pray that u deal with younger patients or all tamil speaking ppl. learn to speak proper english.
- sometimes all patients want is someone to shake hands with, someone to talk to.
- it pays to have a methodology when approaching patients, but this method will change from patient to patient.
- i need to find more shirts, ties to wear
- get a new pair of comfortable shoes, and buy regular length socks
- get a proper belt
- the technique for presenting complaint - mr X, a Byr old man arrived at Y hrs with Z due to A. he has gone for C (operation) and next operation.
-from last week : TRIAGE, the doctor rank system, the nurse rank system, how a patient is admitted (referrals and A&E)

exciting stuff.

[on anatomy, physio and biochemistry]

studying is good. resolved to study anatomy every week. say it like a prayer till u know the whole body by heart. won't that be quite powerful?

physio's really important. all the important processes that dictate our lives.

and of course biochemistry, that forms the basis of it all.

[the student of medcine & coming of age]

http://www.geocities.com/derricklian/studentofmedicine.htm

very beautiful instructive text on being a student in medicine, by Sir William Osler (1849 - 1919)
hmmm the dude lived quite long ago i wonder if the same principles apply today?

learning so much about the things i have failed to notice in my life. or maybe steps i've forgotten to take in my life.

well, i am 19. issit time to grow up already? is there still room for youthful pursuits? movies? lazing around? feeling lost about life and taking your time to figure yourself out? giving room for indecision? the line's getting thinner, the line that seperates adulthood from where we are now. each day takes us closer to the wards, away from the comforts of classrooms and lecture halls, to the raw depiction of humanity, away from the ideal, well drawn and well illustrated diagrams of our anatomy, physiology and biochemistry books.

suddenly feeling that i've let life slip away from my hands.

i want to be something great in my life. to establish a system in my life that can weather through any storm, and one which sets me apart from everyone else. i just don't want to be someone else u meet along the road.

i'm continuing to take the baby steps i've been taking since JC, in the hope i can someday soar comfortably.

[lifestyle]

(i'm hating this mugging life. progressively getting fat. lost the V body that i thought i had. if i had it at all.)

all this points to my point for today : establishing a habit

my resolve : to establish a habit that i'm going to have for the rest of my life.

being productive. studies. you. frens. climbing/ exercise. time for God. intellectual pursuits. comm service if possible.

i'm gonna try living in a way that will be constant, and not having to adapt cos of a exam.

i want to be a good doctor.

[expectations]

what do want to be by the end of this month? this year? do you have any expectations of yourself?

i dunno. but aiyah i better start more realistic expectations of myself, or just expect the best of myself in whatever i do.

you know, u tell yourself you want to finish studying some topic today, in then end u only study half.

during my RI days i used to be very sad when this happened. but over JC and now, i've grown numb to the fact of not achieving all that i want. which is kinda sad.

so yeah. cheers to feeling sad and dissapointed, in the future!

stay young, stay foolish~!

[dedication]

imagine how much we could do if we gave each second of our life to a cause we believed in. won't we all achieve miracles in no time?

in any case, anything beats the mediocrity that stares us in the face each day of our lives.

[transcience]

if you could live forever, would u want to?

imagine, u living all through the times. era after an era. u were there when humans became humans. u will follow mankind through its course. imagine how your life would be.

the moment u read the question i just posed to you, i bet the first thing u thought was how impossible it is. imagine no illnesses? imagine no wrinkles. u remaining the way u are now. imagine that. not having any major illnesses? won't u have some problem like diabetes or something? forever?! absurd.

yet if this life had no permanence, why do we persist in dedicating our lives to making a mark. to live such that somehow, our name is just scribbled on the walls of time. a scribble is enough, though we all wish we could print it in large bold letters, to stand all of time. but no matter how hard the mark is, we know it could never last, forever.

does forever only exist in our minds?

can we truly love someone, forever?

in our lives, forever can last so short as a mere blink of an eye. as circumstances just rob us suddenly of things we expect to last forever. our loved ones, our own lives. the longest forever lasts only as long as you live.

all this thoughts, stemed from my simple dilemma whether to write u a card or call u to tell you how i feel. if i wrote it down, perhaps it would last longer.

[all that we can touch can have no permanence]

tempted to make this post worthwhile.

at its birth, i'm looking through the entire life of this blog. all the entries that are written at the spur of the moment. those unpolished thoughts. infantile attempts to explain the human predicament. the desperate scratches on the cell wall of an inmate as he hopes to make some sense of the life he's living. to chronicle each day, so that it mattered, although the days pass like the seasons, one unto the other, a paralysing neverending cycle of happiness and sadness, emptiness, meaningless.

nonetheless, here we are and here we shall be.

i wish this blog all the best.