[memories of 2005!]

i just realised that there's not much point in writing all this... cos this blog probably won't be around long enough for me to need this blog to remember back on this year.

part II

basically after BMT. sadly i din get OCS. become some tank driver. went to stone first. then course. then possibly of becoming runner. then cannot. then ya ya ya.

then some where along the way. Medicine calls me back. hey mogi u got another chance. since then...

hahaha too sian alreadi.

[memories of 2005!]

when i try to remember when 2005 actually started, its quite hard, cos i was in army and the new year wasn't really new. it was just same ole BMT. as if i couldn't wait to get into the army, i was the PTP batch, owing to the fact that i can't jump for nuts. so yes. there went all the guyz outings and new year celebrations.

so! for the convenience of recollection, i shall include my entire life spent in the armed forces as part of my 2005 memories.

part I - BMT

dec11, i think that's the day i enlisted. in fact i only that day cos i was supposed to ORD on dec10, 2006. so yeah. memories of the jetty, my long hair, my uncle advising me to take off my 01 shirt and wear my brother's nike shirt, out of fear of possible discrimination due to my place of study. was rather annoyed about it. but with hindsight, guess it was a prudent move, still rmb that platoon sergeant calling me RJC for awhile, as i fumbled up the procedure to greet officers. hahah. maybe i'm just not meant to, cos throughout my army life, dun think i've tiam-ed the whole jingbang b4. somehow.

bmt. how i longed for bookouts. how i learnt to walk around and sleep shirtless. and how i possibly fell sick cos of that. i remember my bed. whiskey platoon 2 section 2 bed 13. yupz. i was affectionately assigned the lovely numbers, 2213. my buddy, 2212. damn i miss u. it was great. those times we shared. the memories of progressive PT, route marches, which i tremendously loved, rifle drill and procedures, RANGE, fieldcamp, in which i had the honour and misfortune of being platoon IC. all the IPPT in which i died. that 2.4 run in which i ultimately slacked with my buddy. then there was the grenade nonsense in which i was more or less assured i'd die and kill my PC. how i miraculously survived. wad else. ohhh BCCT with that clown. how the emphasis was more on shouting. the times we marched to the cookhouse. the many similar songs we sang a million times. the glorious mountains of food we got. then. lastly, POP.

the characters. my buddy, my section, the jokers, the chinese speakers, the losers. my PC, PS, and other misc sergeants. my CSM who told me i'd confirm go OCS, based on Sit Test. my OC and his mention of his GF. and yes. how i'd longed for someone to greet me when i got off that bus at pasir ris. besides my parents.

i remember how peaceful life was. how i got to grow back my moustache. OH YES. and how i was part of the toilet cleaning committee. and memories of Ah sia. my fellow toilet cleaner, section mate. and most importantly, he was my friend.

[quotes]

Time is too slow for those who wait,Too swift for those who fear,Too long for those who grieve,Too short for those who rejoice.But for those who love, time is not.

Courage is a special kind of knowledge: the knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared & how not to fear what ought no to be feared. — David Ben-Gurion

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. — Ambrose Redmoon

Kill the snake of doubt in your soul, crush the worms of fear in your heart & mountains will move out of your way. — Kate Seredy

A “No” uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a “Yes” merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. — Mohandas Gandhi

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. — Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), American writer, philosopher, poet, essayist

[downward progression/ upward regression]

yupz. i've willing let life slip out of my hands these two days. just follow wad's on the calendar. living life dreading the next driving session. quite a fair bit of social events coming up along this week. exercise plans have become suspended. studying. well. the books are open at the pages i left them, that's all i can say.

quite a few things to clear through my mind.

as usher would put it, i'm "caught up".

[one fine day...]

hahah... somehow recently i've lost myself in this particular tamil movie, and its like flagship song. wait is that even a term? flagship song? dunno larh its a famous song, at least to me.

the tamil movie begins... this guy, suffers memory loss every 5 min. he uses pictures to remember. on his body is tatooed... SHE WAS MURDERED, find him, kill him. yupz. then, at the point when its too good to be true, the movie reminds us that its a tamil movie, and indeed, launches into a elaborate flashback.

the same guy, a billionaire tycoon, happening to meet a girl. her world suddenly colliding with his. and he forgetting himself.

okay unless u've watched the movie u probably won't understand wadeva i've said. nonetheless, its a precious memory. for me.

today was a slack day. finally ran out of things to do. just went i gingerly msged my fren that i haven't gotten bored yet. perhaps i jinxed it.

but yeah, its good i cut loose myself and possibly soak up some of this festive spirit around. yupz. tml. happiness!

its only when u realise that u've actually nothing to do. that somehow your insecurities return to u.

onward! we shall meet in berlin! whoever reaches there first! i resolved WWII movies are the best! saving private ryan rocks!

[multitude]

so many things to do! and beyond and above all, thoughts of you!

yes you! :)

actually come to think of it, this is one heck of a holiday! i'm still not bored yet!

you!

[resolve]

i've decided to throw myself at the discretion of others, to learn more about people.

time to break away from my precariously built up unjustified ego, to face the world for what it is.

and hopefully this way, i learn more about myself, and my world, a devise a way to go about living this life the right way.

the right way, there's gotta be one right?

[function dictates form]

its how beautiful, our every part of our body seems to have a function. the way the form fits function, its like we willed our bodies into existence, that will to live. its as if life willed life into creation.

but does everything have a purpose? if there is, wad is the purpose of life? moreover, since we're able to ask this question, wad's the purpose being sentience? to be able to sense our surroundings and more vitally, to perceive our role within this surroundings, our own ecology.

i'm not going to launch into some deep probe to fiind the meaning of life. just as life wills life. i shall will a purpose to my existence.

[when i left the zoo]

yesterday we went zoo!

imagine if u could be animal. would u wanna live in the zoo? or in some random jungle? how would your life be? would u think? could u think? would there be such a thing as love? or would it be replaced by a sense of instinctive duty towards your mate, whom u had to win by fighting it out with other males or by an impressive show of skill or strenth or size? where do we draw the line in this spectrum where love starts and instinct ends?

do animals live insignificent lives?

wad then is significent?

currently i'm just chilling settling other matters, before i wanna put them behind me, before i get to work proper.

[so many things]

where to start. okay. firstly FRS is over. feeling a great sense of accomplishment. i was in it all the way. gave my decent share of work, though i definitely bit off more than i could decently chew. then again, guess i probably learnt more that way. definitely learnt a thing or two about how the people around me work, their priorities and such.

reading this book called "Path of Least Resistance". its seriously goodstuff. so much truth in it. each chapter i read, i keep going "yeah isn't that how things are in my life rite now?". trying my best to read the entire book and possibly get myself out of this reactive-responsive situation, as they describe it in the book.

and i'm wondering. how did people like mahatma gandhi, einstein live such great lives? did they read self help books too? or did the situations in their life just add up to wad they became? are geniuses, prodigies and masterful spirits born or are they created?

went for my 1st driving lesson yest. it was really nice. finally lived out my dream of driving a car. unlike all the traumatic dreams i've had of driving from my house to my grandma's without and license and with like miniature steering wheels and other traumatic stuff. i realised that in driving u must be gungho but not jingo. u must be calm yet confident and decisive in your actions. the sensitivity of the pedals and yet the shaking of the car when biting occurs. ahhhh... its like falling in love all over again.

my dreams of driving an elise. someday. i want to be able to drive something. if there's one material possession i want, its to own a car that takes your breath away.

[why?]

i refuse to yield to the cold harsh bleakness of our existence.

if anything, i wanna live with people who live not only for themselves.

i will give back what i have taken. when i'm ready.

[jigsaw]

just realised why my class CT rep said "he can't help volunteering for the crappy stuff" when he had to describe me.

do i need to put my foot down? do i give in too easily? will that lead to me being worser off in life?

[after a week of slacking]

yupz. the dust and trauma of exam cramping should have cleared by now. its time to start once again.

just got my anat results. well, u could say i passed, but being the bottom dunno what percent of the class. u know the bell curve, i'm at the front sloping down part, at the base of that hill.

looking back on my posts, i must admit the last one was quite cocky. i've been reminded that what i feel about things may not be the best way to feel about things.

so where are we headed?