[shock and awe]

i still maintain that i want a really nice car sometime in my life.

my wishlist (as it stands):
1. lotus elise - the lightweight angel
2. ferrari f430 - the streak of red
3. lamboghini diablo - i want mine in blue with the SL words in red
4. ford mustang/ shelby GT - the one in gone in 60 seconds

one of the few material desires i have.

i've decided that goldion long sleeve shirts are very nice too! need more shirts, a nice belt, a tailored pants (haha... abit overboard?) and nice comfy shoes.

just realised something else. u observe best when standing still. its very "duh" but its something we always take for granted.

[disparity]

yet another week begins. more adventures await. somehow i'm burning out, but i just dunno how to make it better.

sometimes knowing isn't enough. that's why we have ceremonies.

[boredom]

yes. boredom has brought me here.

taking a break from reading my book. called The Brain shaped Mind by Naomi Goldblum. sounds like i'm doing some advanced neuroscience anatomy project eh?

no no to all muggers out there i assure u my motivation to do this is just to review the way i study in the hopes of discovering a better method for myself, a better method that my brain would prefer. and yes, catch up with the real muggers. haha

reminiscing about the good ole days in RJ after seeing it as someone's msn picture. ohhh the things u can learn from people's msn nicks and pictures. truly tells alot. somehow. i miss the place, my journey in the morning, my canteen breaks, most of all, the wonderful people, the best part of my JC life. i couldn't have had a better class, dun think i ever will again. and yesh, brilliant beautiful teachers, the other colours amidst the sea of green, black white. how the three colours resonate in my heart, as i recalled all the cheers i did, and led in RI. how everything then seemed passe in JC. even the loneliness seems beautiful, now that its no longer around. true true, i guess u'll miss suffering once u get through it. if u get through it.

i'm thankful for the life i've led. and really must thank every single person i've met along the way, for your have led me to where i am today.

[thought]

learning to instanteously/rapidly see an issue as another sees it, through his/her eyes, can be a truly formidable tool.

[paradox]

i guess the mugging life gets to you now and then. which brings me here.

somehow i find myself in a paradox. its like being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.

expectations. just was thinking about them. on one hand, they're bad, cos u expect things from ppl that they cannot deliver, and hence u get annoyed.

on the other hand, living without expecting anything from anyone sounds equally bad. the allure of a noble truly altruistic life aside, i believe its actually bad to not expect things. it somehow makes u stand still, in this life when we need to have wind in our sails to keep moving. (makes u vulnerable to the sniper out there just waiting to get us). like leon says to mathilda in The Professional, Life is movement, death is a part of it.

my new gameplan. i guess to expect things in accordance to the roles we assign people in our life. but in that aspect. i guess a general scaling down. keep it simple, keep it beautiful.

contented. once again.

actually i'm quite happy i still have this blog. its like the end sum of my own program to flush out the anomalies in my system, in my world. just like how neo is in the matrix. how beautiful is it to be lost in our own thoughts, ahead of everyone else. sometimes its good to leave the world behind. exist in your own unique world where u can hear the reverberations of your own voice within the boundless confines of your mind, your dreams, your hopes.

... and we keep going on and on, hoping we'll get there someday

[its about time]

i think its about time that i seriously took my life into my hands.

realised a big difference for JC life. its no longer just learning stuff just for the beauty of education. what you're learning now is stuff that's gonna become your trade.

another week begins.

time to go get everything u wanted.

(just then, i wonder how things were some time back.)

its like, somethings still wrong.

but i guess life is not always about having everything to your side.

[sad but happy]

this week's been bittersweet. like wad happens when u infuse a serious dose of sadness into someone who's life's generally sweet, and good.

lost my handphone, and wallet. guess the most precious part of the hp that i've lost is truly the contacts, which are irrecoverable. and yes, the associated problems of police report, making new stuff, all the things i lost. and importantly, feeling like a complete loser for days, even though ppl around u try to make u feel as good as possible. and try to keep your own finger from pointing at yourself, even when the truth keeps staring u in the face.

well, lesson learnt.

feeling tempted to take revenge on the world for this.

friday was really nice. thankful for the great company after an entralling, enchanting, exciting lecture and mildly dreary lab. i love the way he lectures. absolutely a work of art. like a geisha. the movie we got to see.

celebrated our 100th day together in the process :)

the way fridays should be.

to the person who took my things : i hope someday u'd feel the way i feel. (that's truly quite remiscient of pumpkin in geisha)

[get on the floor?]

hmmm. nothing better than a question to ignite life in this rather comatose blog.

is life about finding greater meaning, happiness, satisfaction and contentment in what you already have or issit about never being at ease, always hoping that there's something better out there?

is heaven a definite or does it exist as the infinite point, where parallel lines are supposed to converge? if we choose to believe the latter, will we ever find peace in our lives? no doubt successes will line our path, but will we realise that we're spent too much time on worthless things? just like how our accolades and prizes only serve to occupy space in dusty cupboards after a while?

on the flipside. can we truly be happy just staying where we are. to let the world move, and fix ourself as the constant. won't we be left behind? and won't the monotony and stagnation and possibly the wonder of wad lies beyond gnaw at our sanity, slowly, but surely?

in any case, i'm starting this week on a high note, mugging early into the day. weekend, hell must break loose or i won't be ready for another week.

this is wad this doctor orders!

(random thought : its alright, till the end at least you'll always have yourself)

[somethings!]

yeah. just some revelations i made during this very memorable first week of sch!

i have a unique learning style different from others. i am very weak in learning things the way most ppl do.

in driving, i should attempt to walk before running. and remember the proper way of doing things!

i am officially lagging behind the rest of the medical student population. physio was unexpectedly bad. i just hope to know wad went wrong.

celebrated our 3rd month together! :) cheers to us! the food was great!

just some random thoughts after discussion with a friend. i guess when we get into a relationship, its not for you to be constantly praised. its for u to appreciate and be thankful that there's someone there for you to love. in a way, its idealistic but its ideals that lend the shine and prestige to the lives we lead.

simply put. thank you! :)

[update]

today's hari raya haji!

i need new sandals! my current one is rotting!

din mug enough today, shall do it later!

i think i'm doing fine this year! i've been doing all the things i wanna do!

a pat on the back for myself.

[four feathers]

just watched four feathers, well kinda watched it mostly, did spend some time catching juicy parts of the tamil movie at the same time.

u know! i guess heaven is up to all of us to create. a place like heaven can only be reached within our minds.

like everyday, we fail to understand that our lives are indeed heaven. and even when we do get lost in that heaven and the feeling wears off, we try to find another heaven.

thank u for the heaven that you've made my life.

[taking a break]

hey. happy new year to all! taking a break from work so just thought i'd post something.