[two things]

thoughts in my mind...

1. do i need a car now? (haha)

2. why do i feel this insecurity? like when in a relationship u get this feeling that your life is somehow settled. why do we need to marry? should i marry? should i even be thinking of this now?

as a side note: i'm positively crazy about TEEN TITANS! (every weekday central at 1100)

[when the mind goes stale]

doesn't life screw us all? i bet at some point in your life, we all were hopeful. we all believed that everyone on earth were nice people like our family members. the only evil things were monsters that hid in dark places and caught you when u din listen to your parents.

isn't that such a refreshing way to look at everything?

i now understand why adults and other old folk bear such deep prejudices, although they too preach that we shouldn't have such things. guess they just responded to life, they built a wall to protect from the heartache, and propagate it to us only becos they dun want us to get into the sadness they did.

but inevitably, we all get screwed.

i know not where i'm headed, but hope i always can still wake up and smile believing there's still something worth living for. and not bias everyone i see.

learn to see the world through a child's eyes, though that includes the tears as well.

[one way]

everytime life comes to the same point. it just sucks. sucks!

that's it.

had enough.

[knowledge is power]

hahaha today i went to the library. reading outside woodlands civic centre on those funny step thingies with a overcast sky is really charming.

learnt about terrorism.

somehow as i gain more information, i am finally entitled to have my own opinions, deduced from my own interpretation of facts.

feels good to give a damn.

okay. now that i'm single, must remind myself that i'm entitled to daydream, flirt, look at things as and when it pleases me. allowed to dream the perfect companion, my only solace being the remote possibility of such a person, when deep inside you know that its always gonna be a compromise.

[you and me]

haha. a tinge of sadness. a loneliness, that momentarily becomes unbearable. a certain desire to wish things were different.

so subtle. like waves in an vast ocean. they collide, they rise, they stir, then they are no more.

then yeah, back to life. but a moment lived, nonetheless.

just keep smiling... i'll keep it that way. that's all that matters.

[today]

hahah today was one of those days... when somehow the sum of everything just sucks.

the usual feeling that nobody cares anymore settled in again. but i guess its good, now i realise that in life its not about how ppl treat you, its how u choose to treat them that really matters. each interaction proves your worth.

[another dream]

haha. had this dream i was so convinced was true. basically its like somehow, in the midst of my medical studies now, i get this request from the govt to go ocs. its quite freaky. somehow i remember this classmate, from RI who was suddenly there and so concerned about it. its that feeling u get when u are convinced there's no more hope, then suddenly someone somehow offers u a chance. when we falled-in, beside me was my BMT sergeant. somehow.

somethings are still unresolved.

[lessons to learn]

Have been reading this book called “The World to 1500 : A Global history (seventh ed.)” by L.S. Stavrianos. Very good book, I’ve been looking for such a book for a long time, something that can explain history from prehistory all the way to sometime now.

very insightful and here's some thoughts i'm penning down to savour again later, possibly in a new light that each new day offers.

1. at the start, food procurement effectiveness determined societal progress. as people progressed from food gatherers to food producers, alot more food could be created, thus freeing up manpower. these excess manpower then became religious men to plumb the mysteries of the world, or warriors to defend or attack for conquest for new arable lands.
this leads to a natural division of labour. religious dudes learn to exploit religion to control the masses, establishing the superiority of their class.
the advent of agriculture and the subsequent flourishing of other trades also forced women to stay at home. first, agriculture was labour intensive and with children to lug around, women couldn't do much. then as men occupied roles as religious men,warriors, the role of women in society fell, along with their status.
in more advanced societies its notable that women's status was lower.

2. the Law of the Retarding Lead
'the best adapted and most successful societies have the most difficulty in changing and retaining their lead in a period of transition. And conversely, the backward and less successful societies are more likely to be able to adapt and to forge ahead'
this accounts for the demise of many civilisations at the hands of barbarians/ nomads.

3. if u have a big enough population, when ppl invade ya, they somehow get assimilated, your culture preserved. (eg. india and china). it helps if u have a good religion too.

4. religion can be used to bind ppl together, or seperate them.

5. a theory by distinguished anthropologist Franz Bos, "The history of mankind proves that advances of culture depend upon the opportunities presented to a social group to learn from the experience of their neighbours. The discoveries of the group spread to others and, the more varied the contacts, the greater the opportunities to learn. The tribes of simplest culture are on the whole those that have been isolated for very long periods and hence could not profit from the cultural achievements of their neighbours.

OTHER THOUGHTS

1. if u are of superior genetic stock (lets say, not hidden recessive bad genes), would inbreeding still lead to depression?

2. love. u all the know the comfort and solace it gives us. but does that comfort also retard our progress? doesn't the bleakness of loneliness spur us to greater heights of achievement?

[calm after storm]

or issit calm before storm? hahah in any case. somehow feeling out of the misery.

wad my father says is true. we all have to guard our minds against negative thoughts.

yeah. going to apply the diablo concept to my life right now. just gonna level up. invest my valuable "time" points in developping only the more important skills. i will become superior.

muahahaha. (my own warcry. +10 to all skills.)

[remember the name]

one moment you're thinking its the best thing in the world. and the next day, you're wondering how things could ever be even good. hahaha human character. so mutable.

well then, at least i guess its good that i have some time to think things through, and not need to worry about dragging anybody down with me.

btw, my previous post was about the thing. so yeah, not gonna talk about it that way again, guess its just divine intervention that it din publish.

I

wow. just look at it, all alone there.

like winston churchill said, i guess it should be terribly exhilarating.

everytime i'm travelling on the road. each car seems to tell me a story. and i can't help but listen.

[portents]

i dream i was originally in jurassic park land. supposed to grow a T-rex since it hatches to measure its growth in size. then somehow i run away from the place and find myself in some desert with tanks guarding this pentagon looking solar panel like looking radar dish. then i run somemore and find myself in some thailandish place. could be malaysia could even be part of singapore... but damn old sch. took a boat across a river without and I/c. then was asking some shopkeeper selling watches if he knew english. but he replied that he cannot help me. then i turn around and see both my grandfathers. i heave a sigh of relief when they bring me to the rest of my family, who are like having breakfast there or smth. it feels like we're on some chalet. (changi village kinda feel to the place). then on the way home i somehow meet this charming girl who i flirt with. then she so desperately wants to take a photo which i can't seem to refuse. but my original girlfren or someone is there too but i dun seem to care, until the phototaking part when i ask her for permission. after that we leave but i'm with my original gf.

freaky.

[the day i met elise]

woah.yes.i met this fine young nubile thing called elise yesterday. yups recognised her from the distance, but had to go nearer to confirm. the fact that she wasn't really well maintained (not gleaming in my opinion) made it worse. but yes. it was great to finally meet elise. though she's not my favourite anyhow anymore. she's quite small and i think i'll hit my head or cramp my legs with her. in short, cramp my style. sure, curves matter but i've decided to move on. but sure din have the pleasure of hearing her rev up. seeing her in action.

yesterday was like the day of love. actually its a day of marriage but i've reduced it to its purest essence, love. went for my teacher's wedding, it was really nice. though i guess i've gotten over the awwww... factor about marriages, especially since indian marriages are so full of ceremony, (which i still justify as important provided ppl make the effort to find out wad's going on)

an important thing about marriages is that they tell u that u can't go back. you enter into a covenant, like they say. after that, sorry guys u have to make it work irregardless of everything. kinda interesting when u compare that state to our current relationships and stuff... like a good fren told me yesterday, an insightful comment, maybe we should view our current romantic relationships as permanent too! just think about it, it saves us alot of the trouble we sometimes find ourselves in. which is also why i guess marriages work out, despite all the differences they have to go thru.

more issues in love.

the movies yesterday night were especially poignant as well. first up, Youth (tamil movie) starring Vijay. it was nice, it had one of my all time fav songs, sakkarai nilavae (meaning sugar moon). yups, the song was all i imagined it to be, though i din imagine vijay in it. so many times i've felt so deeply with the song, felt like asking someone all that the guy asks in the song.

i think at another time and place, if i had watched it i would have been quite affected but now i'm thru.

then there was John Q. damn damn damn nice movie. loved the acting. very strong themes of love, duty, all that is good in this uncertain world.

[heaven]

they thought they had reached heaven.

when they reached there, it was just like they had imagined it. true there was the dancing fairies, the white holy angelic thing. there were some suprises along the way, whoever knew that fairies went to magic school?

but soon, they started looking for the things they always thought there. wasn't there supposed to be anything else to do besides floating around, going to magic school?

maybe heaven wasn't all that great after all.