[purity]

should i just let life change me as it goes? cos it definitely has, i've become a composite of all the decisions to questions those distinct events of my life has pushed me to... we're all like that, walking decisions.

i guess, maybe we just have to take life one choice at a time. no use worrying whether we're gonna be a nice person in the future. whether we'll still have all those lovely ideals. maybe at the end of this life, we just gotta look back at tell ourselves that we made the best of all those small decisions we had to make.

i've come to understand that ppl can make bad decisions. and that decision is only bad cos u think of it like that. u think to yourself, if that was me, i'd definitely do the RIGHT thing. but u haven't walked the path the other person has walked. she probably thinks she made the right decision. nobody makes wrong decisions. given two apples and one apple, anyone will take two, if they could. however in life, the decisions unfortunately aren't that simple.

guess that's it. i guess that's why ppl pray to God. they hope they end up somewhere good. that life happens for them. maybe there is truly some force at play behind all this, not just some big automaton throwing dice. miracles. those moments that take our breath away, those blessings.

hmm, but just not ready to throw away the controls.

like sam fisher says, not today.

but with that, there's also the burden i must continue to bear.

[promise]

i promise never to complain about starting all over again.

[hey there... long time no see!]

wow... met a friend i haven't really seen in quite some time... he's called loneliness.

i mean, its not exactly that i'm lonely, but u know the feeling when you're completely dissociated from the bounds of relationships?

no more obligations, no more "the right thing to do"... just me, me and me.

[you?]

with that, another chapter of my life feels over. maybe it will never be totally over, but i'm facing the future with optimism. and there's nothing like mtvs to keep the dreams going... manisha koirala is the hottest thing currently.

to myself: you are nothing but just another person.

[today's criminal minds quote]

i guess the reason why i love criminal minds so much is that its really good food for the mind...

today's quote

"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

beautiful.

in other news, i do fear its happening again. and in other news, i believe i could be emotional traumatised.

doesn't life screw us all...

[life]

when u wish the tea would get cooler faster so that u can move on to the next thing on your agenda, when you watch tv and feel you're wasting time. guess its about time u evaluate your life.

yet again.

i hope this lasts, i'll watch over you.

[thoughts]

hahaha the question at the end of the world. wad is love? and what does love mean to you? at a loss to explain current situation so i guess i'll take the dilemma to its logical conclusion, the eventual question.

that aside, i wondered if i could live a life like those ppl in movies. but i guess, we all do!

[something stupid]

haha ya'll remember the above mentioned song by nicole kidman and robbie williams? somehow some of the lyrics really makes sense nowadays. hahaha its how wonderful the way songs manage to capture the emotion so precisely, the words and music painting an entire scene. how beautiful. my favourite song, of the moment!

I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you

I can see it in your eyes
That you despise the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you
For me it's true
And never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
To make the meaning come through
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late
And I'm alone with you

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I love you...

[change]

just a quote from criminal minds.

the home doesn't stand upon its foundations, it stands upon a woman.

[extremes]

my current past time. eating tic tacs. its actually quite nice. it really doesn't pack enough taste in a single tic tac, so u have to keep eating for those small doses of happiness.

anyhow. my lack of tolerance of blurness culminated today. i read somewhere that men are classifiers. for me, i group everyone in categories. definite labels. good frens. non-existence fren. its hard when a good fren is someone whos like good in certain things and bad in others.

basically yes. i hate shades of grey.

ugh.

[the same old feeling]

i'm sick of this same old feeling before exams.

so many things i wanna do and i just can't.

there's this really poignant tamil song that goes" if everything you thought, came true, there won't be a need for God. if u keep thinking of what's happened, u'll never have peace"

but that's all i keep doing. why can't i just have the things i want?