[colergenics]

check this out, quite accurate description of your state at the moment
http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

well this is mine. quite depressing, but i feel largely accurate.
____
At this particular time you are feeling the results of extreme stress and you are seeking a 'way out' but you are pushing too hard. Obviously you need peace, tranquillity and contentment. Your temperament is such that you are hoping, unrealistically perhaps, that your desires will shortly be fulfilled (even if at this time you are not quite sure what those true aspirations may be!).

You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

Setback after setback has resulted in considerable stress and now you have got to the stage where you are continuously on your guard, not only to protect yourself from others but to protect yourself from yourself. It would seem that many of your unfulfilled hopes and dreams have led to uncertainty and suspicion. You no longer wish to answer to others and you are insisting on freedom of thought. You feel that you are fully self-sufficient and can control your own destiny. You are seeking ways to protect yourself from further loss of prestige and against further setbacks. You have become very dependent and you doubt that matters could possibly get any better in the immediate future and this negative attitude is leading you to exaggerate your claims and to refuse reasonable compromise.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.
______

[the plot thickens]

haha remember those mystery movies, where some guy just randomly declares that, "the plot thickens!"

well, pictures speak a million words. learnt a fair bit of gossip deciphering pictures today. well i guess mainly two main informations? okay just learnt something else on facebook. pictures pictures. and another one? well, seek and you shall find? hahaha din have to put in much effort

anyhowwww. realised something profound?

the brightest lights also cast the darkest shadows. just some phrase i created that kinda explains that our closest, most guarded hopes and dreams are equally capable of giving us immense joy and at the same time immense sorrow.

my guiding quote being "be the change you want to see in the world", i guess my way to letting go slowly is just expecting less change in the world, and hence having to be less of a change. kinda sad, the day when i expect nothing in this world. i already tell myself not to expect things of people, as much everytime i do smth i wish someone could do the same for me.

i should write down what i'd like to see, maybe remind myself now and then.

[suttum vizhi]

currently singing along with this song! rocks lah. hopefully my voice gets lower (dreams on) and then can sing other songs.

yah. another thing to work on during the hols. learn how to sing! wow. imagine that. the gift of singing...

anyhow. i was going to describe my train ride today. first. there was the SMELLY dude. i sprayed my deo on my own bag in the hopes that the emanating smell will neutralise the stench from the fella. you're stinky! next. there was the kids! these small bundles of joy with large vocal cords. i could see the father gave up hope alreadi lah. hope i dun have kids like that. more reason to get a car, eh? then there was the PDAing couple standing next to my seat. the girl's arms were like around the dude. btw she's damn tall lah, or her legs are just so long. basically her waist was at my head level, with a skirt that din go too far down either. not only that, think i saw like dunno how many lovey dovey couples on the way home. good lah, love is always a good thing. but just dun do it right it front of me. if i could i'd do it far away from your prying eyes too. then on the bus. there were these PUNKS. some secondary sch kids who were like cursing hokkien vulgarities each sentence. then they randomly started fighting. was tempted to relocate myself. sigh. kids these days.

wad a trip!

[the path of least resistance]

today i spent alot of time stoning. its the manic kind of stoning where u sit in front of a TV and pray for inspiration to get back to work. though u know that TV's no place for inspiration. you lie in bed and pray from sleep. oh btw, i've concluded that if u sleep too much, you're either quite tired or depressed. if your body feels fine.... yes.

well the haunting words of nelly furtado haunted me today. flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end. i guess its just me remembering the good times. ahhh its so wonderful when you're actually living your dream rite? like if u dreamt to be a barber, even if you were a barber and struggling at your profession, i guess u'd still be happy cos you're doing the thing u loved rite? i guess its the same feeling, but not in the barber sense.

i went online, cos i remembered this quote. this too shall pass. somehow when i first heard that quote i know it would stay with me long. imagine the toughest time u when through in your life. it too came to pass rite? the happiest? for me that too has come to pass. and i hope there will be moments in the future i can give the distinction of being the happiest. and i guess that's another reason why we could enjoy wad we're doing now. cos you'll never be doing it again. a moment in eternity.

this too shall pass.

[Nelly Furtado
All Good Things]

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.

[guys]

love and hate

happiness and sadness

[power cosmic]

TO ME, MY BOARD!

[die persians!]

i keep telling myself, you can't expect people to be what you expect them to be. just gotta accept them for what they are.

[the battle of Thermopylae]

i wish things were as clear cut.

the choice btw honour, and cowardice. imagine Leonidas, waiting for his doom at Thermopylae. wad could have gone through his mind? was it the right decision to declare "this is Sparta!" and kick the messenger into the well? was it right to claim the lives of 300 spartans, and his own, relinquishing his duties as king and leader of the Spartans, as a husband, as a father for that everlasting moment of glory? would the lives been better spent if they had chose to retreat, to fight the battles they knew they could win? instead of flirting with death?

well, i guess things aren't all that clear cut.

just got to live life one moment at a time, make the right decisions at each moment.

also, i've realised words are immortal, cut deeper than any blade, festers worse and more insidiously than any infection. treatment wise, how do u eliminate something with no form? and something that affects each person differently.

the power of words. may i respect them always and never say the ungentle word.

the change i want to see in the world

[ba ba da da...]

my favourite song of the moment! somehow i can really relate to what the dude is saying! really expresses the emotion, Cupid's chokehold!

Gym Class Heroes
Cupid's Chokehold
*featuring Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy

Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been some time since we last spoke
This is gonna sound like a bad joke
But momma i fell in love again
It's safe to say i have a new girlfriend

And i know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And i'm afraid i might give in
Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'

I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And alka seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is
We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know i'm young but if i had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun(ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been awhile since we talked last and i'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad i'm finally thinkin' i may have found the one
Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son
And i know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long
But i promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)
I love the way she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is (ba ba da da)

It's gonna be a long drive home but i know as soon as i arrive home
And i open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back in my arms into my arms once more for sure

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongueI'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man i swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh i ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And i would still cherish every moment
And when i start to build my future she's the main componentC
all it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
Everywhere i go i keep her picture in my wallet like you

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

[memorable song lyrics]

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

- Macy Gray (I Try)

There is nothing special about me
I am just a lil star
If you try to reach out an touch me
you'll see I'm not really that far
I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see
But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me

Just keep trying and trying
It's just a matter of timing
Though the grinding is tiring
Don't let 'em stop you from smiling
Just keep trying and trying
Sooner or later you'll find it
It's surprising how inspiring
It is to see you shining C
ause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me

-Kelis (Lil Star)

And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
Cause you're so smooth

- Santana (Smooth)

[skeletal battle order]

haha yes. was looking for my army gloves, which i intend to use for my weights training (the weights at nus gym are very rough). hoping to go gym tml.

on radio, Akon's smack that is no. 1 on power 98. still? i think "give it to me" by timberland ft. JTimberlake and nelly furtado is the bomb! rocks! damn attitude.

speaking of SBO, was reminiscing about army as a packed my duffel bag. its so filthy inside, i must have really been a rush to leave the army! u can see the sand everywhere. the sand from tekong, from gedong, the soil we're fighting for.

like i was thinking that day, its gonna be a lifetime regret that i din work enough to make it to OCS when i entered army last night. i know i'm capable of being an officer. i guess u cannot blame the ppl around u when u know u din give it 100%. but those were trying times, they were indeed. so many million things going on. somehow. guess i'm more sure of myself now.

fortunately, i've been offered another chance in the future. i'm definitely gonna earn those three bars on my shoulder. must get fitter, must become better. better. stronger. never give up.

first, in my long path to getting there, is my 2nd pros. grrrrrrrrrr. do a good job.

as boxer says, i will work harder.

[dreams]

i used to think that those ppl who had dreams each night were special. some forces out there were actually communicating with them, or their brains were just so superior that the entire day's worth of stimulation just wasn't enough.

well those were the days.

especially towards exams and nowadays, keep getting these weird dreams. they're NEVER good. the best i can hope for is something weird, yet not BAD. something always screws up. i'm usually lost somewhere. just now had this dream about shirtless guys walking around, and i being tempted to take of mine too. thing was i was somehow in my primary sch. bet there's a connection with 300, somehow. if there's cars involved, they never drive well. they always go too uncontrollably fast, the brake is damn ineffective, the pedals or steering wheel becomes really small, every driver's nightmare.

and do u guys have those moments when suddenly u get the feeling u got at a specific point in your life? like the feeling u get when u first stepped into your secondary sch. or when u first visited some place.

its very strange.

i sense a disturbance in the force.

[thought provoking email :) ]

An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.

Said in another words: 1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil. 2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants. 3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people. 4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think?" Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.

It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.

[the pursuit of happyness! =) ]

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

got the above stuff from an email which i shall paste here... the quote, a life is lived in an instant, is the newest idea in my life! and has made my yesterday a most beautiful and productive one (despite waiting for bus 95 for millions of years... felt fossilized)

yah, i should listen to the advice i give others. yes, my dear friend, all we can truly have is the current moment! so let's seize each moment of our lives, enjoy it, savour each tiny morsel, the good and the bad. (luckily there's more good somehow for me right now. its too early in the day to be thinking of the bad)

ixo! (or wadeva the jap say that means "let's go!")