[the search continues]

its hard to find something when you don't really know what you're looking for. Yet it remains the same thing, or at least my life needs it the same way it has always needed it. that one thing to make it, suddenly off tangent to the rest, like something.

Somehow i find these lines from "The Prestige" especially poignant.

Cutter: Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Pledge". The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called "The Turn". The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn't clap yet. Because making something disappear isn't enough; you have to bring it back. That's why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call "The Prestige".

i guess my life's still at the pledge, i continue to remind others and myself each day how normal i am.

[sakit]

no wonder ppl thought that the heart is the seat of emotion. oh how my heart hurts. but i'll survive this one.

wondering where its all headed towards. feel like there's so much at stake, and as each second passes by i feel helpless as it just passes by me.

suddenly feel the need to run. that effect u get after long hikes. when all your emotion's been burnt up, jettisoned away cos its extra weight u can't afford.